Sunday Territorian 31 Jul 2016
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02 NEWS SUNDAY JULY 31 2016 NTNE01Z01MA - V1 WORST PERFORMANCE OF THE WEEK: Take your pick. Barretts Resserection ... NATHAN Barrett finally admitted this week that the lewd video he sent to a constituent was taken in his Parliament House bathroom. Barrett flatly denied this to the NT News after the video surfaced. When it was put to him in a Facebook post (why hasnt his wife banned him?) he said: It was a Sunday. Being a tosser on the Sabbath is presumably a no-no among Barretts religious set. It gives an all-new meaning to the term Palm Sunday In his own words SACKED Corrections Minister John Elferink unironically held on to his job as Childrens Minister this week. Hes gone into hiding, and according to police has gone to a safe place, quite unlike the kiddies in his juvenile justice system. The Elf also wasnt providing any comment on the weeks scandals, so Bushranger has dipped into Hansard go get a few prescient words. Whatever you do in life and you will screw it up; I guarantee it whether it is good or bad, be responsible, he said just last month. He also said that people shouldnt get too hung up waiting for apologies. One-star accommodation KEYBOARD warriors are lining up to leave negative Google Reviews of the Don Dale Centre. At Bushrangers deadline, it had a 1.6-stars. Anita Rose said: Inhumane, barbaric, humiliating, child abuse, torture, soul destroying, institutionalised thug mentality. But Marko Taco, said he absolutely loved it, and rated it 5-stars: Good staff, amazing food and its all included in the booking price. Bernard Finnigan would enjoy this place. The tinfoil hat defence A BLOKE facing some pretty hefty drug charges gave a confusing appearance in court this week, where, self-represented, he spent much of his time questioning the legitimacy of the Government. Given the events of the past week, Bushranger has some sympathy with this argument. He said: Im a singular human being, I never signed a contract with anybody but God. He continued: I think that there is a corporate shadow government posing as the legitimate government. Justice Jenny Blokland, ever patient, said: I really do want you to go and see Legal Aid. Pigs might fly JUST weeks after the UKs exit from Europe and the departure of Britains prime minister, posters spruiking a David Cameron for Territory politics have popped up across Darwin. With number 10 Downing St now filled with new PM Theresa May and her husband, Bushie wonders whether the NT could have its own Brexiteer on its hands, running for 1 Territory? Although the photo on the Port Darwin posters shows a different David, we wonder if he would call for a referendum to see if Territorians want to break away from the rest of the country. We hope our local David Cameron isnt the type to defile a roast pig. Political hot dog ALSO on Territory political candidates, another one to watch for is Richard Smiley Smith in the seat of Spillett. Mr Smith lives with his wife and kids on a double decker bus in the grounds of the Winnellie Park greyhound track. The family spends much of their time looking after and racing their 12 dogs. Although not known for his political bias, Bushie reckons everybody should cast their vote for Smiley. In a spin THE Government has hordes of spin doctors, some of them have more luck than others. Bushranger notes that Grant Stockwell joined Nathan Barretts office just weeks before the Member for Blains career unravelled. He was then transferred to John Elferinks office. Strangely, neither of his bosses are mentioned on his Linkedin. Some advice ONE of Bushrangers readers called the other week with a cleaning tip she thought was worth sharing: used coffee grounds can be used to clean up unsightly messes. The more you know SPEAKING of cleaning up messes, Justice Brian Martin will be returning to the Territory in coming months to run the Royal Commission which will broadly address how to not torture children in custody. Bushranger thinks hes a man who gets things done. He once said: There was only one solution for the Alice Springs Court. That was a very large bulldozer. Hair of the dog THE 8am Qantas flight from Melbourne to Darwin on Friday, filled with Darwin Cupgoers, sold out of beer mid-flight. One group was apparently buying 10 beers at a time. Word is the punters then took to the spirits, drinking from coffee cups to disguise their purchases. Bushranger FALL GUY Reader Zoe sent us this spectacularly clever picture of her mate, Jim, taking a nasty fall at Jim Jim Falls. On another similar note, we once knew a drag queen called Katherine Gorge. True story. 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