The Northern Territory news Fri 14 Dec 2012
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www.ntnews.com.au Friday, December 14, 2012. NT NEWS. 35 P U B : NTNE-WS-DA-TE:14-DGE:35 CO-LO-R: C-M Y-K Ask Bossy ADVICE ATTITUDE OPINION with Kate de Brito firstname.lastname@example.org with ntAsk Bossy ADVICE ATTITUDE OPINION with Kate de Brito email@example.com with nt Wanting a fair deal doesntmake you a bad guy How do I get my ex out of my house? DEAR BOSSY: I moved out of the house where my ex and kids live one year ago. The problem is I cannot afford to keep paying the mortgage, rates, insurance etc. Also there is an investment house that I have tried to sell, however the buyers have inspections and there needs to be work done to make a sale (which I cant afford). Unfortunately, the savings are gone. I have asked my ex to help pay for bills so as to keep a house for my kids to live in, and well I just get ignored. It is almost like she wants me to force her out so the kids hate me. Now the other part. Ex has four other kids/adults living in the house. I have explained that I should not have to pay for their support, and even that her adults (working kids) should pay towards keeping the house going. Again no reply. I asked her to look up how much she would have to pay if she were living in a housing commission house based on the income coming into the house. Again no reply. I have had the stress of debt collectors calling, not having a life, so she can live in a house without paying a cent. My question is? Can I declare myself bankrupt or ask the bank to sell the properties? I dont care if I make no money for myself, I just want away from her in every way. The mortgages are both in my name, however I would like to give her a share if and when properties are sold. How do I get her out? The kids will hate me. Well, I can live with that, but I cant handle the stress of living week to week not knowing if I can pay the bills. BOSSY SAYS: I dont know about the legalities of declaring yourself bankrupt or even if thats a possibility in your situation. Youll need to talk to a lawyer about that. I also know that if she is not responding to your email or requests to discuss the matter you will have to sort it out through lawyers. Yes, it sucks and yes it will cost you some money, but you dont really have any other choice. This is not about you escaping responsibilities and you have to try to avoid being drawn into some maelstrom of guilt. You dont have to maintain a mortgage for your ex-wife for eternity. You need to divide your assets fairly and move on while providing for your children. Sometimes this does mean selling a family home, although there may be other options. This does not make you a bad guy no matter what your ex says. This means you cannot afford to maintain these mortgages thats a simple fact. Get a lawyer and get it done. The kids may be angry but ultimately you havent another choice. With this ring, I thee wed ... but is it enough? Got a question? Ask Bossy. Noholds-barred advice fromour agony aunt Kate deBrito . . . advice your friends are too polite to give But really I feel like a cheap arse asking the love ofmy life to marrymewith a sub-$200 ring A reader wants to propose to the love of his life but hasnt got the funds to buy an expensive ring Should I propose with a really cheap ring? DEAR BOSSY: OK. here it is. I want to propose marriage to my wonderful girlfriend of four years. We have spoken about getting married in the past, about the future and kids and all that. We own a house and have been living together for three years. I think shell say yes (well I hope). Anyway, thats not the problem. The problem is money is tight. We recently bought a house and also went on an overseas holiday, so I really cant afford an expensive engagement ring. A few months ago she pointed out a ring while shopping and hasnt stopped talking about it since, to the point of saying shes obsessed with it. It wasnt that expensive $558. Its actually really nice but not an engagement ring. Its a 9ct white gold with a Swarovsky Zirconia stone, and yesterday she told me that it had gone on sale. So I went out this morning before heading into work to buy it for her. The lady at the shop was lovely and even opened up early for me, and I ended up getting it for $198. Thats with a 60 per cent off sale price plus an extra $25 off she gave me just because. Now I know she loves the ring and I know shes not a materialistic person, which is one of the reasons why I love her so much. But really I feel like a cheap arse asking the love of my life to marry me with a sub$200 ring! So question for the ladies (married or engaged ones I suppose) out there, is it all about the ring? Or is it about the place where you propose or the way you do it? What matters the most? Would you feel hard done-by if your partner would have spent $200 on your engagement ring? Is a better ring worth waiting something like a year for me to have the money to buy a better ring? I know, and not generalising about women here, that some sort of appearance holds some level of importance, specially in our society. I just dont want her to be embarrassed if she was showing it to her friends. I want her to be happy and proud of the ring that will be the symbol of our love. I can always give it to her as a Christmas present I suppose. Confused and in love! BOSSY SAYS: Honestly? I wouldnt care. If I really loved the ring I wouldnt care how much a man paid for it. The fact you say your girlfriend is not materialistic and she says she loves the ring probably means that shell be very happy with it. But happy with it as an engagement ring or just as a Christmas present? Hard to say. My suggestion is you buy the ring and propose to her with it. You say: I love you and want to spend my life with you and I bought this ring because I know you love it but I also know it might not be what you want for an engagement ring. I also know its not hugely expensive and the last thing I want you to think is Im cheap, because if I had lots of money I would gladly spend it on you. If you want something else we will find it and we will find a way to pay for it because I want you to have a ring you love. But I also didnt want to wait another minute to propose. So go with the cheap ring. Make a cheesy heartfelt speech. Make it romantic. But be open to the fact she may leap at the chance to change the ring. Good luck. SEND your problems to ntnews.com.au and by emailing Ask Bossy you accept your question may also appear on the Ask Bossy blog. Questions cannot be answered privately.