The Northern Territory news Fri 15 Jun 2012
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www.ntnews.com.au Friday, June 15, 2012. NT NEWS. 45 P U B : NTNE-WS-DA-TE:15-JGE:45 CO-LO-R: C-M Y-K Ask Bossy ADVICE ATTITUDE OPINION with Kate de Brito email@example.com with ntAsk Bossy ADVICE ATTITUDE OPINION with Kate de Brito firstname.lastname@example.org with nt Your lackofself-esteem leadstoexcitingfantasy Got a question? Ask Bossy. No holds-barred advice fromour agony aunt Kate deBrito . . . advice your friends are too polite to give First, somewomen just like a bad boy. Hes aloof, hes arrogant and hes hard to get A reader finds bikies very sexually attractive and cant stop thinking about being with one Im really attracted to bikies. What should I do? DEAR BOSSY: Forgive me for saying this, but this is something that I really want to know. I am 31 and female, and am not sure if I am going through a midlife crisis thing, but I find bikie men very sexually attractive and cannot stop thinking about being with one, especially an outlaw. What do bikie men find sexually attractive in a woman in terms of physical appearance and personality? BOSSY SAYS: Ill forgive you, but can you forgive yourself? It sounds to me like youve been watching too much Sons of Anarchy. You think a bikie bloke is going to rumble up on his Harley, manfully sling you on the back of his hog and ride you off to the clubhouse where hell have you any number of thrilling ways. Youll be his No. 1 girl and the envy of all the other wannabe bikie chicks. And while hes not afraid to show his nasty streak to others, hell love you with a heart of gold. Sounds like fantasy? Thats because it is. The idea of going for a bikie outlaw is exciting for much the same reasons women are excited by men behind bars. First, some women just like a bad boy. Hes aloof, hes arrogant and hes hard to get. No matter how hard you try, hes not that interested. When you do finally land him, well, what a prize. At least, thats the way some women think. The bad boy trap is especially tempting to women who feel powerless or worthless in other ways. Knowing hes so unpredictable, and possibly violent, and yet treats her with respect or kindness plays into a fantasy of power. Women who have been mistreated by men will constantly dream of the day when their love will enslave the most powerful man in the room. Women also like the idea of winning over a man who may have a reputation for treating women badly. They think: It will be different for me. They work hard to make that so and, even after they fail, they try again. The challenge becomes addictive. Some women also tend to romanticise a relationship with a bad boy. They think he is hard on the outside but soft inside. They see him as a wounded little boy and their job is to reach inside and rescue that boy. Another theory is that women are attracted to men who commit crimes because it allows them to live this sort of life vicariously. Unfortunately, the truth for most women attracted to the outlaw bad boy is it has more to do with lack of self-esteem than anything else. They go for these sorts of relationship because they undervalue themselves and winning over a man of this calibre is the only way they can validate themselves. The paradox is that by choosing a man who will ultimately reject them, they prove their inner feelings of unworthiness. Having said all that, it should be noted that not every bikie is a criminal. Many bikies from big-name clubs do not commit crimes. My advice is enjoy the fantasy in your head but dont get mixed up chasing something that is really just an illustration of the way you view yourself. As to how to dress and how to behave to snare a bikie, I wouldnt know but Id suggest you wont get lucky in a twin set and pearls. Best to watch Sons of Anarchy again. SEND your problems to ntnews.com.au and by emailing Ask Bossy you accept your question may appear on the Ask Bossy blog. Questions can not be answered privately. Its timewehad a crash course in supercars and superbogans He Said, She Said JAMES DUNLEVIE AND LAUREL MAY The grid girls are always a big hit with the bogans HE SAYS: Ive had a dirty secret. I drive a Holden ... and once owned a Ford. Go on, hate me. I also once owned a Toyota Corolla, but thats beside the point. I dont get the rivalry thing, but if you want to argue over it knock yourself out. Ive been to the V8 Supercars (A free ticket. Pay for it? Are you kidding?) It was okay, I suppose. Noisy. Hot. Not cheap (Id be really pissed off if I had to pay AND shell out for food and drinks). Its about the technology? Oh, okay then. Go Technology Team! Yay Fuel Economy Racing Team! Boo Brightly Coloured Too Many Stickers Team. Its not about the crashes, surely. If you want crashes, you watch F1. Or YouTube Women Drivers videos. Go on, hate me. Grid girls, theyre okay. Do these girls drive? Like cars? Is that a prerequisite? Anyway, its a Territory Lifestyle thing, so go you good thing! Just remember where you parked the Toyota when you are leaving. SHE SAYS: While were exposing dirty little secrets. I used to be a bogan. I hung out with boys who drove V8s. I used to do doughies in car parks. I did stupid things in cars. And then something happened, I grew up and I count my blessings every day. With another spate of car accidents in Darwin, I realise how stupid what I used to do was. And I hope that anyone who goes through that phase gets out of it unscathed. With young people being so impressionable and vulnerable it worries me that we idolise fast cars and burn outs. Is it wise to be encouraging stupid road behaviour? I know, I know, all the drivers do those ads about confining hooning to the race track, etc. But, seriously? You put a young kid in a big car and tell them to be re sponsible. Thats like putting chocolate in front of me and telling me not to eat it. Whats even more concerning is the inability to grow out of the bogan phase. Middle aged men going sideways round corners is not a good look. Not that it looks good at any age, but there is a point where it just gets weird. Its interesting to see the evolution of the bogan too, its no longer the innocent typical bogan portrayed in songs by Area 7 (if you remember that band). Bogans have become a strange group of people in Ed Hardy shirts, too much fake tan, overbleached hair and tribal tatts drinking to excess at the V8s and trying to pick a fight on the way home. Give me a mullet toting, flannel wearing bogan anyday . . .
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