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Alice Springs news


Alice Springs news; NewspaperNT




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This publication contains many links to external sites. These external sites may no longer be active.




Community newspspers; Australia, Central; Alice Springs (N.T.); Newspapers

Publisher name

Erwin Chlanda

Place of publication

Alice Springs


v. 16 issue 22

File type



Copyright. Made available by the publisher under licence.

Copyright owner

Erwin Chlanda



Parent handle


Citation address


Page content

Woe betide the auction hammer! ADAM'S APPLE: Ponderings from the thunder-box. If you have ever thought that men might cherish the time spent on the loo a little too much, I think you might be right. This week I was sitting on the loo, pants around my ankles. The radio in the bathroom was on and playing a killer tune and I was reading a sports magazine. While I was sitting there on the throne I realised that I was the happiest I had been all week. I had time to myself. I had some great tunes. I was reading about sport. I was sitting down and I wasnt wearing pants. What more can a man ask for? The reason men love a good spell on the loo is mainly to do with the fact that for a small period of their week, the loo provides a rare opportunity for a man to be alone and to think. Sure, men are thinking all week, but for a 20 minute period, newspaper or magazine in hand, in the loo a man is free to think about whatever he likes. The freedom to contemplate, to roam the mind is a rare but cherished experience. While I was sitting there, surveying all I command, I did some thinking too. In fact many of the columns you have read over the years have had their genesis with my bare bottom planted firmly on the same plastic seat. A thought entered my head. Who designs the artwork for the toilet paper? The designs dont suddenly appear on the 2ply so someone must have the job of designing them. Is that their only responsibility at the toilet paper factory? Is that a full time job? What sort of qualifications does one need for that gig? I see youre a frog in a jacket specialist! Yes I am. I also dabble in smiling fishies and teddy bears with honey pots. I wonder what sort of job satisfaction designing the artwork for toilet paper could possibly imbue. Does the designer take pride in the fact that their work is seen in thousands of grocery stores and millions of homes every day or do they resent the fact that their masterpieces generally end up obscured by poop? Weve all done work that has been less than edifying. Ive worked a checkout. Ive analysed urine and sputum. Ive been paid to dress as the unbelievably poorly named Roger the Rooster. All these jobs were fine enough but totally thankless. No one thinks about how great it is to be able to collect food and household items without the need to hunt and gather. When the patient gets the all clear, it is the doctor who gets the thanks, not the poor lab technician who had to wade through a weeks worth of wee. Still on the loo I thought about the most thankless job I could possibly see myself doing. Im pretty sure being a statistician would have to be right up there as the most thankless job I could imagine. Without statistics, governments would never be able to explain why they want to spend our money. Without statistics we wouldnt know how many people there are in Australia, how many of those people are poor and how many of those poor people can read and write. Statistics is the backbone of government policy. Its the backbone of business strategy and its the gold nugget for breakfast radio jocks and weekly column writers. A good statistic makes our life so much easier. When we find out that more Americans believe in UFOs than believe in God, its like Christmas. When we read that there was more people without a job in Australia than thought Brendan Nelson would make a good Prime Minister, it was like wed caught a leprechaun. Statisticians make my job so much easier, yet I never thank them. Youll never see a statistician on Celebrity Deal or No Deal. Youll never hear someone say, Thats the statisticians super model girlfriend, and I doubt youd even invite a statistician to a dinner party if you could find a good enough excuse. On top of all that, on top of being social pariahs and having a thankless job for which everyone else claims credit, on top of that, statistics is really hard. If youve ever had to take a statistics class youll agree that 95% of the population would rather remove a vital organ with an apple corer than take statistics. So I guess the conclusion I made before I hiked up my trousers and washed my hands was if you are in a position to thank someone for the work they have done, take the time to show your appreciation. It might stop others becoming