The Northern Territory news Fri 24 Mar 2023
The Northern Territory news; NewspaperNT
Community newspapers -- Northern Territory -- Darwin.; Australian newspapers -- Northern Territory -- Darwin.
News Corp Australia
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News Corp Australia
NTNEWS.COM.AU Friday March 24 2023 LIFESTYLE 47 V1 - NTNE01Z01MA and your ex-partner had a longterm relationship. Presumably your colleague knew this, but frankly it is irrelevant. You have not disclosed if your work colleague (who you also considered a friend) was someone who you had shared intimate details with about your relationship. If you had, then she may have insider information giving her both power and knowledge, which she may have used or inappropriately disclosed in forming a new relationship with your ex. (Note to self: be careful to whom and with what information you disclose at work.) Unfortunately, this is one of the costs of disclosure and may be partly why you are angry. Which brings me to my next point. When your colleague and your ex were introduced at the work function, had your relationship almost run its course? Was the relationship breakup a mutual decision, your decision or did your ex decide it was time to finish up? If you initiated the breakup, then you need to get over yourself. Life moves on and you have had a lovely time with your ex-lover and now you need to look for a If you initiated the breakup, then you need to get over yourself. Life moves on and you have had a lovely time with your ex and now you need to look for a more suitable partner. QI have just discovered my expartner of five years is dating one of my work colleagues. I had considered myself friends with this woman and introduced her to my partner at a work function. Now I wonder if they began having an affair before he moved out two months ago. I am so angry with them both and its affecting my work because she is always around me. Should I confront her? Rebecca, email A Lets break this down. Are you angry because they are together, angry over lost love, angry because you feel betrayed, angry that you suspect they may have been having an affair or angry that your friendship is seemingly compromised? Work out which anger is most affecting you. Then you can strategise your response and get clarity with your emotions. You more suitable partner for yourself. You do have a choice. You can crank this up and escalate it to give yourself sleepless nights or you can take solace that they are together and she, too, may find the positive things in him that you found. If your relationship was in its dying days, then clearly meeting at the work function started the spark between them. And as we know, being open to a new relationship or an affair occurs when there are problems in the existing relationship. You would know that, if not her, then your ex would have likely found another woman to start a new relationship with. You would be mistaken to lampoon your colleague when your relationship was dying. That is simply being petty and immature. That they effectively met through you is therefore irrelevant. Ruminating over the possibility of them hooking up before you officially broke up is also irrelevant. Lets take the presumptive approach i.e., that they were. What would you do with this information? Seek an apology, undermine her at work, start whispering about her, leave your job? It may be hurtful, and unethical but be clear that both parties engaged in this and not just her. People do behave badly but do not let this grievance cost you your job. I doubt she was a friend in the truest sense, otherwise you would have had greater clarity and honesty. Invest in you now; work on going out, being with friends and enjoying new possibilities. You do have control over this. Lampooning a work colleague for hooking up with your former partner is pointless. Get over it The ex files TAMMY HUYNH The Gardening Australia horticulturalist has an irrational fear of one particular creepy crawly ... with Jonathon Moran What three things would be at the top of your bucket list? Hike Trolltunga (Norway), see the Northern Lights, and explore the Amazon Rainforest. What is your guilty pleasure in life? If someone gives me a block of Galaxy (UK) or any chocolate from the UK, I will inhale it. What was the first place you visited overseas and what is your overwhelming memory of the trip? I visited my grandpa in China and was attacked by mosquitoes while staying at his place. Ha, I know its not a great memory but it was overwhelming. Favourite movie? Pans Labyrinth surreal and hauntingly beautiful. What would you tell your 10-year-old self today? Life is an incredible adventure. Dont be afraid to try new things. Be kind to others and yourself. Favourite book? The Harry Potter series. Love the story and grew up with the books. What is your most memorable moment with a fan? A lovely woman came up to me while we were at a mutual friends wedding and congratulated me on being a guest presenter on the show. Nearly a year later, she asked the friend to pass on a card to congratulate me on my regular presenter slot. So lovely that she remembered. What is your favourite karaoke song? Its been a while but either Vanessa Carltons A Million Miles or The Killers Mr Brightside. What is your absolute blowout meal? Napoli-style pizza and pasta. Carbs on carbs! Whats your biggest health mistake? Thinking I needed to severely restrict my calories with hours of cardio to drop weight. If you werent doing this, what would you be doing now for a career? Likely a psychologist human behaviour is fascinating. Do you have any irrational fears? Cockroaches. Im a gardener and I see all sorts of critters but if I see a cockroach, especially an American cockroach, Im running for the hills or burning the place down. Gardening Australia, Fridays, 7.30pm on ABC TV and ABC iview with psychologist sandy reA ASK SANDY Have a question? Email firstname.lastname@example.org Working out why youre angry that an ex-partner and a new love are together helps you strategise a response and clarify your emotions.